This summer I had the privilege of being able to work at Camp Balcones Springs again, however, I chose not to work the whole summer, just term three, which meant I would be stepping down from my leadership position as photographer and would become a counselor again. After reading the title of this post, you may think that is where the lesson came in, and yes that did require some humility, but this particular lesson came somewhat unexpected to me.
The majority of people who work as counselors are often only able to come for a summer or two for various reasons such as jobs, internships, school, etc. I've been blessed with the opportunity to work at camp for four summers now...I thought I was done after summer number two but that's a story for another time. Each year there is a pretty large staff turnover due to the nature of this job. My first summer I made a great core group of friends with some fellow counselors. Most of them were able to return our second summer, but last summer the majority of them were not back, however, I became pretty close with my fellow leadership team.
This summer was a different summer. Most of the people I was on leadership with last summer had gotten "real world" jobs, and since I was only going to be at camp for one term, I would be a counselor again, and I wouldn't be coming until halfway through the summer so many groups of friends would have already formed. I was also the oldest female counselor. I wound up making some great friends with both new and old counselors, and loved being back in a cabin.
What I realized though is that camp still goes on without my old friends being there, who were such a vital part of camp for me. This may seem like a "duh" statement, however, this was a humbling moment for me because I realized that just a couple of years after I'm gone the counselors and many new campers won't know who I am. I've put a lot of love, sweat, and tears into camp, and to realize that I may not be remembered in a few years hit me pretty hard. I hope that I've made a lasting impact on many campers, especially that girls I've had in my cabins during my six terms as a counselor. I also hope that I made an impact from behind the scenes during my six terms as a part of leadership. More importantly, I hope that I've pointed campers toward God. Even if I'm forgotten, I hope I've shown campers how much God loves them, and have helped them trust Him more.
It's easy to get caught up in the little things at camp. "Have I turned everything in on time?" "Am I making pow-wow interesting enough?" "Does the rest of the staff like me?" "Is my cabin clean?" "Are we going to make it to flag pole on time?" "What are we going to eat today?" "Are my girls listening to me?" "Where am I scheduled today?"
Notice how many times I said "I" or "me" in there. It's easy to get caught up in the little things, and it's easy to get caught up in ourselves. Sometimes at camp, and in life, I have to pause and remind myself of my purpose, which is to glorify God. I love that our off days are called "selahs." The word "selah" is used often in the Psalms and is a way of saying "pause/rest and listen." As counselors we often get pretty excited about our selahs because it's a time for some rest and time to hang out with other counselors. I wish we would get as excited about resting and listening to God. I'm often guilty of getting caught up in busyness whether it's camp, church, or seminary stuff. The stuff that keeps me busy is generally not bad stuff, and often it's stuff that has to do with God, but it can be easy to get caught up in what we're doing instead of why we're doing it and who it's for. We need to pause more often and remember the big picture, the reason we're doing what we're doing, which is to give glory to God.
When this humbling lesson hit me it reminded me of a sermon I heard in chapel last year called, "You Are Not Your Gift: Finding the Freedom to Fail in Ministry." Here is the original sermon if you would like to listen to it:
In this sermon Dr. Moore talks about thinking too highly of ourselves in our ministry positions. We often can find ourselves thinking that certain jobs cannot be done without us. This not only applies to ministry positions but to camp as well. It's weird to think that camp can go on without us. That in a few years we could be forgotten. But it will go on, and this can be a freeing thought. God is sovereign. He's not surprised by our mistakes. We can plan, and plan, and plan but rarely will things go exactly as planned. Some of the best moments at camp and in life can happen when things seem to be failing. These are moments when you just have to say, "ok God this is yours." It's ok to fail.
Sorry this post is so long. I've had a lot of these thoughts swirling around in my head for a few weeks now and needed to write them out. I truly am grateful for all the lessons working at camp has taught me. I hope I can make it back for at least one more term next year, but if this year was my last or if next year is, I'm ok with that. It's neat to look back through my summers at camp and see how it has changed me. I've learned a lot about being myself through camp. Some people who know me best know that I've struggled with being myself. I got to lead a pow-wow at camp this year where we each wrote our name at the top of a piece of paper and passed it around the circle. Each person had to write two nice things about that person until your sheet made it back to you. Many girls' cabins have done similar pow-wows. I was surprised by the comments on my sheet:
"You're really fun to be around. You're funny."
"Wonderful person. Good talking about God."
"You have a great personality! You accept who you are!"
"You don't care what people think about you. Compassionate and loving-engages everyone."
"You're dedicated and you always invest yourself in everything you do."
"You are the most supportive person eva! In the morning you always have a smile on your face."
"Very supportive and kind, your smile is glued to your face, brightening the world."
"You always make me happy and you are a really great counselor and person."
I'm not sharing these comments to brag about myself. I'm just sharing these to show how at a time when I wasn't sure if I was getting through to my girls, God used my cabin to show me how he has been working in my life at camp. My cabin didn't know that being myself is something I've struggled with, but God is awesome, and encouraged me through them.
Once again, sorry for the lengthiness of this post. If you made it this far, thanks for sticking with me through my rambles. I hope you got something out of this. -Allison-
